Dying alone in a crowded room...

I am sitting here half asleep waiting for a elderly mother to arrive. I would really like to be able to go to sleep. I am tired. I should have gone to bed instead of reading, but going to bed early enough has never been easy for me. I love the night. The night is quiet. There's a peacefulness about it even when chaos surrounds you. A 48 year old male has just died. Not two months ago, he learned that he had throat cancer. There were pletny of signs and warnings leading up to this point. A history of smoking. Struggle with COPD. Even drug abuse. But somehow an American man of the 21st centruy doesn't live past the life expectancy of an early 20th century man. And, for me, at least, that feels sad. He didn't have any children. His mother was the only one to call. She couldn't get here because she was caring for her 6 year old grand-daughter. The obese man died alone - with two dozen people surrounding him trying to save him from the results of a American lifestyle of preventable indulgence that the poor of the third world surely know little about. The story of state of the art modern American healthcare - at least too often the one I face nightly on the halls of a mega-hospital. When the 20 earthlings finish trying to save him - they stop. The sense of relief and even smiles and laughs on their relieved faces confuse me. Is he alive? Did their hard sweaty labor work? They scatter, pull the tubes, call the one who will probably have to pay the bill, and depart. I walk into the room. I have been the only one who is able to sit still long enough to listen and to watch. And even I would not be here if I were not paid to do so. Everyone else is gone. I look at this man whom I may have seen before. His eyes are open. His ditry straight hair is pressed backward. His eyes are starring forward. And his lips barely pressed apart to reveal his gums. The shape of his face reminds me of a fish - and I get the sense that this man could come back to haunt me... He is pale...

Not yet cold...

His belly is still full...

But he's still alone... Still... and

Alone...